Growing up is hard. There are the awkward physical changes, the emotional turmoil and, of course, the weird hyper-specific phases we insist are not just a phase at all. But to journey with anyone (or anything) from infancy to adulthood involves benefit of the doubt and some serious grinning and bearing it. Case in point? This writer, who grew up snuggling an Eeyore stuffed animal each night, clicking past an age-restricted content warning on a trailer for a Winnie The Pooh slasher. Winnie The Pooh: Blood And Honey, the first Pooh movie released since lapsed copyright brought A.A. Milne’s characters into the public domain, becomes realer by the day, and now has a delightfully bonkers first teaser.
If the content warning isn’t clear enough: this is a horror movie. The plot follows a grown-up Christopher Robin as he returns to the 100 Acre Wood where he left Pooh and Piglet, who have since grown into murderous psychopaths out for his blood. As the trailer soon reveals, Christopher hasn’t intuited any of this. Instead, he’s chosen to bring his fianceé on his first venture back to his childhood stomping grounds, where he’s certain the friends he abandoned are excitedly awaiting his return.
When the all-grown-up versions of Pooh and Piglet appear, it’s evident they’re not as excited about seeing Christopher as they are about killing him, his fiancée, and a random group of girls introduced (though not by name) halfway through the clip. Armed with an ax and a penchant for slowly wading towards his victims in pools, Pooh tends to take the lead with the slashing, although the boar-like tusks the reimagined Piglet sports seem like a better weapon. This detail, however, could well be the aspect of the movie that stays truest to the text—Piglet is canonically shy.
The trailer concludes with a shot of evil Pooh and Piglet pouring blood and, you guessed it, honey into a large vat for reasons absolutely unknown. It’s par for the course, however; throughout the trailer slasher Pooh and Piglet’s motives are clandestine at best, nonexistent at worst. If they’re so pissed at Christopher and he’s right there, why are they bothering with these other girls? At the end of the day, however, the only thing harder than growing up is growing up alone in the woods, abandoned by your human buddy. It’s nice Pooh and Piglet found something they’re passionate about.